Sophie, I'm confused. My owner seems to love me. She feeds me, walks me, pets me, buys me treats, kisses my belly, all that stuff. But then every so often she does terrible things to me - dumps me in a tub of water, chops my nails in half, drops liquid into my ears with a syringe, and worse. Am I the victim of domestic abuse?
Grisby
Dear Grisby,
You don't say? The same, awful, awful things happen to me as well. I don't understand, really. It takes me a long time to lick myself and roll in the grass and kick the dirt with my paws to get just the right amount of camouflage to survive in the jungles of my super-dangerous secret agent world, and then mom takes me in the shower with her and suds me up with oatmeal shampoo?!?!? I'm like, mom, I'm not doing recon in a box of Quaker Oats; I have to hide in the grass and catch that squirrel. And how do my mommies expect me to be the Wolverine for Halloween if they keep trimming my nails?
Seriously, though, Grisb. Once my mommies forgot to cut the one of the cat's claws for weeks, and the cat's nail grew right into their toe pad and my mommies had to cut it out. It looked and sounded like it hurt and the cat certainly wasn't happy about it. I totally don't want that to happen to me. And the ear stuff--I don't like it but I can hear so much better when they've been cleaned. Like, after two squirts and a head-shake, I can hear the refrigerator door open from three blocks away.
So don't sweat it, kid. Humans and dogs are like vinegar and water sometimes, but I think, compared with so many of my dog friends when I was in the shelter, we have some good cribs. However, we can have an ultra-secret "stuff we don't like that our mommies do to us" club if it will make you feel any better. You bring the squeaker toys and I will bring the peanut butter cookies.
S O P H I E
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